Magic Jewball

I wish I could type you the rest of that joke but I fear offending several nationalities. Ask Sarpon. But for the time being I’ll just use it in the Simpsons sense, even though you’ll probably make the same joke once you watch the video. Shame on you, you stereotyper! I bet you also think that Americans are fat and Jews are good with money.

Anyway, by popular demand (really, several people asked), here is the bit of video that goes with the last screenshot in the previous post. Segments like these are what make this show so much fun to watch although it’s probably not a good thing that I have no idea who sits on the US cabinet but yet I could pick Rachida Dati and Bernard Kouchner out of a line-up (I’m still waiting for them to explain how a French politician got a name like Jack Lang but whatever). Oh, and that last shot is the weekday anchor, David Pujadas. He’s not as much my cup of tea, but he still brings in the funny sometimes.

I don’t know why but I could watch this clip all day. I never see that carp coming. Calm down, Alain, you’re going to knock yourself out and you know, then the fish win.

As I told Kay in a comment on her blog, I watch the news from France2 each night because, as you will recall, I’m too lazy to do my French lessons. It’s both a blessing and a curse that it’s not actually translated word-for-word but rather summarized for you in a terse subtitle. Even I with my sad-ass French can hear things spoken that aren’t being written. But sometimes that helps me figure things out for myself and enables me to use my swear-word-rich vocabulary to hurl epithets at the translators. But I digress. Here was a fun piece the other day about a breed of carp which have overpopulated the Mississippi. It’s sad, really, because the fishermen don’t know what to do with all them carp. But have no fear! There is a market. Here’s our reporter with the story, as my favorite anchor, twinkly-eyed weekend guy Laurent Delahousse (above), would say. Except more French.

Golly, then who will buy all these fish?

Oh right, the Chinese. They’re weird. Anyone else?

Oh yes, the vast Jewish gefilte fish market! Why, we eat that at every meal! “Thank God the Jews have such an insatiable palate for gefilte fish,” said the fishermen. “We’re saved!” But we know that Americans don’t like carp. So I guess Jews aren’t American. Or maybe they mean French Jews. I’m sure they’re just jonesing for new sources of carp.

OK, I admit it, this is the real reason I watch this show. You just don’t get enthusiastic on-location segments like this in America outside of hurricane season.

Here’s a little something for Kay and everyone else frustrated with Versus pronunciation: Audio Sound File.

Kraftwerk - Tour De France

People sometimes say to me, “you’re so funny! Is your family funny too?” Boy howdy they are! If last year’s parade of Brother2 jokes from the US Open didn’t convince you of that, well, look out for this year. Or ask me about the laugh riot we had at the cemetery today over the lavish Bukharian tailgate party going on there, I kid you not.

Except my Mom, really, she wasn’t especially funny at all. Her idea of a good joke was, “who was the shortest man in the Bible? Nehemiah! Get it? Knee-high miah!” Oh bwahaha, Mom. But one thing she was was an appreciative audience. She’d really laugh at your joke and say “verrrrry good… did everyone hear that?” in a way that made you think you were on your way to doing stand-up.

On the last day of her life, when she was barely coherent, we knew she was still “there” because she laughed at a joke that Sister2 made from this show, one of her all-time favorites. Even though she couldn’t speak, you could tell from her eyes that she was saying, “verrry good… did you all hear that?” Tonight, just before I went off to synagogue to say my last Kaddish of the day, I flipped around the TiVo guide and found I had a new channel (AmericanLife TV Network: your Baby Boomer TV choice, speaks to the interests and values of the unstoppable Baby Boomer generation… er, OK) and that this show was actually on! I had no idea that when they said God worked in mysterious ways they meant that He worked at Time Warner Cable. And so, I downloaded it to my computer so that I could capture the opening sequence and dedicate it to you, my readers and commenters. Thanks for all your good thoughts and know that you are the appreciative audience that makes telling the jokes such a joy.

As you’ve no doubt noticed, this blog is pretty chipper. That’s both because I’m the kind of person who sees humor in almost any situation and because there are enough downers in life that isn’t it nice to have a spot where you can count on laughter? But that’s for the other 364 days a year (or 100, looking at how often I actually post). This is the one day a year where not only am I a downer but I share it with you because I have a higher purpose. Not that making people laugh isn’t a good vocation, but anyway.

Today is 29 Tammuz on the Hebrew calendar, my mother’s yahrzeit, or anniversary of a person’s death in Yiddish. In Judaism you celebrate the date a person died, not their birthday. When you’re born you’re unformed but when you die we know what sort of life you lived. And I’d have to say my mother lived a pretty good one. So what I’d like to do is introduce you to or remind you of one of my mother’s favorite artists, Ofra Haza. My mother loved Middle Eastern music from Israeli pop to Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir and I grew up with Israeli music in the same way I ate pita and hummus before they became trendy (on the other hand, I didn’t know what gnocchi or sushi tasted like until I was in college or later).

Ofra Haza was perhaps the biggest Israeli artist internationally until her early death in 2000 (more depressing stuff, I know). She was the daughter of Yemenite-Jewish immigrants and her music always reflected that tradition, albeit with a modern flair, especially in the later part of her career when her songs were remixed and she experienced her greatest success outside Israel. Her biggest hit was “Im Nin’Alu” which my mother told me meant, “if we were locked up together.” Romantic! I always loved that song but I’ll be baldly honest and say that I don’t happen to own it so I chose my second-favorite as the iSotW, Galbi. Galbi is in Arabic (with a bit of English) and so I don’t know what it means, but if it comes from the same root as the Hebrew “lev” (Arabic and Hebrew share a lot of root words) then it has something to do with “my heart.” Either way it has the typical gorgeous Yemenite melody sung in Haza’s stunning voice, all over a dance-y beat. Perfection. (If you’d like to hear Im Nin’Alu, you can see the video here or just hear the five second haunting refrain here.)

The other thing I’d like to have you think about (yes, I’m being very pushy today) is the concept of charity. Today is the day I give my donation to the Boston Komen 5k Run/Walk for Breast Cancer Research in which a lot of my friends, many of whom are J-Ball readers and commenters, are participating. I do that not only because my mother died of breast cancer, which is a miserable disease that made her last five years hellish, but because she was all about giving time and money to causes she believed in. But you don’t have to give there. There are a lot of worthwhile causes out there (Doctors Without Borders and my struggling yeshiva high school are my personal favorites) and I’m sure there is somewhere you’ve been intending to give but just forgot. So, whether it’s in memory of someone you care about or just because you’ve realized how very fortunate you are, as Supertramp, who are not the iSotW, said, give a little bit.

וצדקה תציל ממות - משלי יא:ד

זכרונה לברכה

Napster:
Ofra Haza - Galbi

Streaming audio available on the iPod Song of the Week page.

So you know Soxy, consistently among the Top Commenters? Former Reader of the Month? Lychee martini drinker? Of course you do! Well maybe if she wants to keep slamming the Yankees she should go get her own blog!

I have a feeling these words may come back to haunt me.

PS, welcome to the world of blogging, Soxy! Writer’s block is only a day away.

Aretha Franklin / Eurythmics - Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves