Magic Jewball

all signs point to no



Filed under : New York City
On July 20, 2007
At 12:15 am
Comments : 12

You may have heard we had an explosion this week. I heard that too. Mostly because I wasn’t anywhere near it, although, being that Manhattan is a tiny island, that may be relatively speaking. But luckily it didn’t affect me in any way except that the subway took three times as long to arrive and four times as long to get to my destination and it seemed even longer than that because I had five people pressed against me. I’m now pregnant. Oh, I kid.

But the question has been asked of me, why the hell are there steam pipes underneath the streets, anyway? What exactly does New York need steam for? If you have heard my clanking radiator (you can even hear it over the phone sometimes) then you already know the answer to this question. But for the rest of you… well, I’ll let Lois Griffin take this one.


12 Comments for this post

sarpon says

Aw, I was sure they were coming in to be her backup dancers.

New York needs underground steampipes because it’s a real city, and that’s the way things are done in real cities! Without steampipes, how can you have the steamfitters union, I ask you?

Ima Wurdibitsch says

I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried about y’all New Yorkers.

We don’t have steampipes here but my Poppy, who lived in Baltimore, was a steamfitter. He was also in the steamfitter’s union. My mom and aunts were not allowed to buy clothes unless they had the union label. They became quite adept at removing and replacing labels.

KP says

Ha! I love that episode.

We know you chose that one because you have performed that number in that same outfit Bec.

Becca says

True, Sarpon, and when my team needs fixing, I call the teamsters. Hey! My team does need fixing!

Ima, having lived in Balto, I just have to say that it always felt steamy even without any pipes.

KP, actually, the only thing Lois and I have in common is that we’ve both faked liking Kiss for the men in our lives. But I was worse at it than she was and he never believed me.

Ima Wurdibitsch says

You faked liking Kiss? ~gasp~

I liked them, even their disco (“2000 Man” and “I Was Made For Lovin’ You”) phase, until they lost the makeup and got soft and ended up having the “new band member of the week” era.

“Strutter?” Perfect for getting ready for dates.

“Beth?” What idealistic teenager doesn’t get a little misty-eyed at poor Peter Criss missing his woman (even if the real story isn’t that romantic)?

“Hard Luck Woman?” A bit sexist but still cool.

“Callin’ Dr. Love” and “Detroit Rock City” and “Firehouse” are excellent for rockin’ out with your bad self (pretty good house cleaning music, too).

“Cold Gin?” GENIUS!

Of course, I can’t remember all the lyrics anymore (I’m old, you know) and would probably be horrified if I read them.

Hey, Becca, don’t you have some kind of widget to recognize the poster who used the most parentheses in one comment??

Becca says

Who needs a widget? I know it’s me. I tend to use a lot of parentheses (yes, I do). But maybe more in posts. I hereby bequeath you the comment crown.

And yes, I loathed and still loathe Kiss. And, although I tried to fake interest, I fear my high school squeeze (well, he was in college and I was in HS) knew it all along. But I was a new wave girl and he was a metal guy and like Romeo and Juliet, we just weren’t meant to be.

I totally respect your love of Kiss, but here’s the thing, and I learned this lesson via my co-worker at the record store who kept trying to turn me on to Queensryche: people always try to convince you to like songs because the lyrics are so great. But no one ever said, “God, I hate the music and the singing but man, those lyrics got me to buy the whole album!”

KP says

For a minute there I thought you were going to say that you and Lois had doing Kiss in common. Bwahahaha.

BTW, Kiss was my first concert ever. 4th grade. I even had their solo albums. I rocked.
And I have their Greatest Hits on my iPod. So technically I still rock.

Ima, I still think Hard Luck Woman is an awesome song.

Ima Wurdibitsch says

Okay, I give. You can hate Kiss. (You were waiting for my approval, right?)

The Queensryche argument swayed me. In my case, it’s jarred spaghetti sauce. I hate it. There’s something funky about the taste when it hits MY tastebuds. Of course, when people hear I can’t stand it, they’re certain that if I just taste theirs (because they do all kinds of special stuff to it – adding spices and this and that), I’ll change my mind. I don’t, I won’t. I don’t like it.

KP – you had the solo albums? ~bowing in awe before your superior Kissness~

My first concert was Foreigner but I was in the 9th grade. My parents were very strict. That’s why I’m such a reserved, conservative adult.

KP says

Don’t get too awed Ima. My next three concerts were Shaun Cassidy, Andy Gibb and the Bee Gees.

And, yes, I had a satin jacket too.

Ima Wurdibitsch says

~hangs head in shared shame~

My first album purchase was “Shadow Dancing.” The Bee Gees were cool! They were! I’ll challenge anyone who differs to falsetto scream-off to settle it.

Becca says

I never understand why people “doctor” jarred spaghetti sauce. It is so very simple to make your own. The point of sauce in a jar is to not have to do anything and once you are doing something, why not just leave the jar out of it?

Oh, and my parents were very strict too. My first concert wasn’t supposed to be till 9th grade but I got in on a technicality the summer before and saw Echo & the Bunnymen.

Alex says

Becca, your parents weren’t strict. They were just worried–worried that you might grow up to peddle appalling, debasing rap music, or something like that.