Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Snappy answers to stupid questions – June

Filed under : Meta/Blognews
On July 4, 2007
At 10:15 pm
Comments : 7

This is a little delayed this month due to the holiday, which I’m reminded of as I write this with the sound of fireworks overhead. Go America! Woo!

Anyway, let’s begin.

sent from crackberry

This is my signature phrase. Literally, because I managed to change my Blackberry signature to actually say it.

dale and thomas popcorn news

Wow, I love that paper. I need to subscribe. Anyway, they closed the one near me. That was all the news I cared about.

famous world changing spanish people

Rafael Nadal? He’s changed men’s tenniswear and that is SO important. The ass-picking has to stop, though.

roger clark matzoh

Two things I find hard to swallow.

things to occupy you at work

Might I suggest this blog?

why aren’t crabs kosher

I really should do a Jew&A but basically, because the Bible says only fish with fins and scales are, and crabs have neither. Wait, you meant the shellfish kind, right?

are famous people above the law

No, just Republicans.

the portagees

They live next door to the Spanneesh.

nude women with mayonnaise on breasts

Oh gosh, I must have deleted that post. Sorry!

culotte de golovin

See, here’s the story. You’re only supposed to wear white at Wimbledon. That includes your bright red underwear showing underneath your see-through white dress, Tatiana Golovin.

how to stop itunes plus

Shoot Steve Jobs?

what kind of clothes jewish people wear at a birth

I’m told I wasn’t wearing anything at the time. You’re welcome!

sexy hookers in fayetteville

Is this fair? Don’t the non-sexy hookers deserve some cash?

are scallops trafe

I spell that treyf but someone on my blog (I’ll wager it was Alex) must have spelled it the way you do. Anyhoo, yep, but my brother-in-law turned me onto fake scallops and if you’ve never had the real thing they taste just fine. To my goyish friends, treyf is Yiddish for non-Kosher. And goyish is Yiddish for not Jewish. And not Jewish is English for gentile.


This has got to be from one of my comments. I don’t even know what this is, how could I have blogged about it?

joy division essay

I’ve never read it but I’ll bet it’s super-cheerful.

whatever happened to kris kross?

That’s what I want to know!

jewish people eat lots of


garden apartment and brownstone and mice

I would hang onto that no matter how many mice there are, pal.

orthodox jewish long underwear

You might be thinking of the Mormons. Or not. I don’t really know anything about the Mormons except people think they’re freaky too. It’s like we’re cousins!

wordpress festive dates

Yesterday? That’s the day I switched to WordPress. And it’s all about me. (That would be yesterday last year, I didn’t actually switch to WordPress yesterday.)

pebbles flintstone myspace

Does she have a lot of friends or is it just Bam Bam and Dino?

famous people and the shoes they wore

I’ll bet there are thirty blogs devoted to this. This, sadly, is not one of them.

not your woman song

Oh I love that song! I’ll make it the Napster link. OK, one-time visitor?

rap music made for women playing sports

It all is! If you consider dancing with your ass sticking out a sport.

denver jury duty ipod

Wow, that’s even more niche than the U2 iPod.

And the ungrammatical search of the month award goes to…

the song that blake lewis sung on american idol called something only we know

I done thought it was “Somewhere Only We Know” by them boys in Keane.

Finally, the top 5 searches after “Jewball” and “is Tennis Player X Jewish”:

1. federer karaoke
2. madison square garden cure tickets presale (and variations)
3. keane nyc concert review central park (and variations)
4. boy george
5. gone till november meaning (and variations)

Happy 4th, everyone!

D’oh! Napster doesn’t have Your Woman by White Town. I’ll just have to post it myself.


7 Comments for this post

NoShowMo says

I have nothing to say about how awesome these are, just saying hi bc haven’t been around in a while so hi.

And orthodox Jews are nowhere NEAR as freaky as Mormons. Sorry to disappoint.

KP says

I love these, especially because Roger always seems to be in the Top 5! I am, however, still waiting for someone to search for Federererer and end up here. It is going to catch on one of these days. You’ll see.

Alex says

No, Becca, I’ve seen “trafe” here on the J’ball somewhere, but I spell it “treif.” But if it’s true that there’s no such thing as bad publicity, then thanks.

Celia says

I had those fake scallops once and they were delicious. Unfortunately, the cafeteria where I tried them subsequently started putting them only in dishes that also contained what appeared to be actual shrimp. I have looked all over for them in grocery stores to no avail.

Becca says

Hi, Nosh! Don’t worry, I’m not disappointed.

KP, for me, the question is, who exactly is he more feder than?

Alex, I did a search and it was actually Ima Wurdibitsch. Sorry about that, chief. But I think I’ve spelled it treif before too.

Celia, I will ask my BIL where he gets them. They’re in South Jersey so it may be a chain you can access.

Average Jane says

No one is going to mention that “Your Woman” is one of the best “super creepy songs” ever?! Come on! There’s something so… fabulous about its creepy factor.

Becca says

It’s not the song that’s creepy, it’s the person singing it that makes it so. The song itself would be really trite if it were sung by, say, me.