Magic Jewball

all signs point to no


Too much information

Filed under : New York City,News
On March 28, 2007
At 11:50 am
Comments : 17

Normally, when I don’t write for a bit it’s because I am brain-dead and there’s nothing to write about. Occasionally, though, I am actually too busy to fit blogging into my hectic schedule. This is just one of those weeks. You have the confluence of

a. busy record release schedule
b. week before Passover whirlwind
c. shockingly crazy social life

It’s led to the sort of clusterfuck which means more living, less blogging. People think that bloggers have no lives and thus can sit and write essays all the livelong day. But in reality, it’s a delicate balance of life to no life and once it gets upset, well, the blog’s going to suffer.

Anyhoo, I don’t have any sort of special topic so instead I’m going to comment on several items from the local news here in our fair city. This is good if you are like me and have a really short attention span. Look, something shiny!

1. Building collapse
This is something I never used to hear about, living in the suburbs as a child. Maybe that’s because suburbs were all built after 1950 and my current building, for example, dates from 1899. But still, should buildings just spontaneously collapse like this? Should I wonder if there’s going to be a pile of rubble when I go home? In my old building I used to hide my dope in case something happened while I was at work and someone had to go into my apartment. I’ve since solved that problem by buying an apartment and thus having no money for dope.

2. Wal-Mart to Manhattan: Drop dead

No seriously, I love new stores, everyone knows that, but couldn’t we get a Target? Oh, who am I kidding, there will be 49 new Commerce Bank branches before that happens.

3. Matthew Fox from Lost to speak at Columbia University
And I’m sure he’ll have oh-so-many words of wisdom to impart.

Can anyone get me tickets?

4. Is the restaurant Le Marais really Kosher?
And if it’s not, why is it so freaking expensive? Not to mention, forget all that, I was always told it was named after a Jewish neighborhood in Paris. Then I went there and found it was a gay neighborhood (not that the two are mutually exclusive or anything). What’s up with that?

5. Opening Day just five days away!
Oh, even I can’t snark on that.

6. Local eatery found to be rat-free.
Oh bwahahahaha, I made that up.

Of course, in the most exciting news of the week, I finally got Police tickets. Now I just need to find a collapse-proof building in which to store them until August.

The Police – Too Much Information


17 Comments for this post

average jane says

The pre-passover blitz is on in full swing. Don’t undervalue it’s ability to knock a person on his or her respective ass. Unlike the other fun holidays which can be easily catered (bagels and schmear anyone?), passover requires lots of cooking. Compounded with lots of cleaning. Tri-pounded by lots of family. Only benefit? 6 glasses of wine at dinner (I double up on a few to ease the pain imparted by the aforementioned woes).

Happy Pesach!

Sarpon says

I clicked the restaurant link and now I have so many questions! What the fuck is “dairy magarine”? I thought margarine was made of vegetable oil. There are non-kosher fish? Fish-fish, or like shell fish? Are worms traif, and regardless, would anyone serve wormy strawberries to patrons?

You could do a Jew & A from on article, and just on the questions of this (nominal) Jew.

Alex says

Since Becca hasn’t come by yet…

Sarpon, there are margarines that have a dairy hechsher. That is, if you look next to the O-U or other kosher symbol, you’ll find a D. According to the web site of the Orthodox Union, “Margarine contains oils and glycerides and requires rabbinic certification. Margarine may contain up to 12% dairy ingredients, and some margarines are OU Dairy while others are pareve.” (

I’d guess non-kosher fish probably means shellfish, but it could include any fish that doesn’t have both fins and scales. Catfish, for example, isn’t kosher because it has a smooth skin, instead of scales. People literally debate whether swordfish is kosher; as I understand it, young swordfish have scaly stuff on them that falls off as they age. More liberal interpreters say that’s close enough; more conservative ones, not so much.

Becca says

Actually, Jane, it’s the opposite for me. I cook on every holiday except this one where I get the whole thing catered. However, there is quite a bit of cleaning to do and I can’t leave it all for Ermin.

But don’t skimp! If you double the wine you get 8 cups.

Sarpon, I had considered doing a Jew & A for you but Alex made that decision for me. Nice going, Alex! :P

But I’d have put it more cryptically, really, and just said go look at Fleishmann’s. The salted is dairy, the unsalted is pareve. Clearly there’s something in the salted besides salt: milk.

Julia says

I would rather see Sayid. I think he is the hottest guy on Lost but he needs a haircut. And I think Sun is the hottest girl. I don’t know their real names.

I missed getting in on yesterday’s stupid questions, so here are mine for today:

1. Who do you think are the hottest people on Lost?
2. Do you think that Lost is starting to feel like the world’s longest movie?
3. Is Dharma brand food kosher?

I’m sorry, but I don’t have the luxury of waiting for my snappy answers next month. These are urgent issues.

Alex says

Sorry, Sarpon. Sorry, Becca.

Becca says

Hm, a Lost Q&A. As I mentioned, I don’t have any idea what’s going on but that’s never stopped me from commenting on anything before.

1. Everyone? I think they made you take a later flight if you were unattractive.
2. Yes! I would totally have walked out by now. And demanded a coupon for a free bag of popcorn.
3. Saving a life trumps almost any commandment (just a few exceptions but the Kosher ones are not among them) and so, I’m going to say on an island with no snazzy restaurants named after swamps, yes.

Oh Alex, don’t be sorry! As you point out, you’re really my only reader. I was going to call it Alex’ Magic Jewball but it wouldn’t fit in the header.

Alex says


Pious B says

Let’s not forget Pious B, another tragic casualty of the aforementioned release schedule/Pesach/social life confluence.

Becca says

I do my best, Alex.

Oh right. Sorry, Pi. I did want to get together and see The Namesake but my hair doesn’t just cut itself. I’ll make it up to you in matzah pizza some day.

Sarpon says

Everyone glossed right on over the burning issue of the worms.

Midwesterner in NYC says

Opening Day just five days away

Yes, the defense of our world series title begins!!!

Congrats on Police tix… which show?

KP says

Where do I begin?

re: Opening Day…GO YANKS! Hot ballplayers in tight pants! Woohoo!

re: Lost…Sayid and Desmond make me all gooey inside, especially when they talk…and when they take their shirts off of course.
I am still mad about Eko and I am totally turned off by Sawyer since he banged Kate in that cage.
Every week they answer one question and pose 3 more.
Yet, I still watch. Why you say? HOT MEN! That’s why. Woohoo!

re : Police tickets…yay for Becca! Hot men? Well, one was and still is sort of, so Woohoo for them too!

Soxy says

re: Opening Day…GO SOX!!!
A local furniture store is running a promo…if you buy a piece of furniture before April 16th and the Sox win the Series, you get it for free. I’m all about the new free couch, baby!

re: Lost…I think Charlie is kind of hot. I have a thing for accents.
The current episode is a bit confusing. Maybe its confusing because I’m reading the Jewball instead of paying attention.

Becca says

Ew, burning worms.

Who are you people with your other teams? I may have to ban everyone.

Not to mention there’s some person who seems to be having an orgasm in a comment.

Where was I? Oh yes, the Police. It’s the first night, Wednesday.

And I don’t mean to give anything away but that ending on tonight’s Lost

RN says

What are you opening on opening day?

Becca says

Yankee Stadium. Only it’s Passover so I’m letting the Yankees open it themselves.