Magic Jewball

Hm, in recreating the iPod songs of the week, this one seems to have disappeared. Oh well. It’s a fine song anyway!

~Bec, on 4/1

The Rapture – Get Myself Into It

I guess a lot of people will talk about 9/11 this week but I just want to mention this thing I saw in the NY Times today. It wasn’t actually today’s Times, it’s just that Saturday, because I can’t watch TV or use the computer, I end up reading the entire week’s worth of newspapers that I didn’t have time to get to all week. Except the sports sections; I read those all on the correct day.

So this was Thursday’s paper and I was just really skimming but I saw this caption under a picture illustrating an article with the headline, “Old New Yorkers, Newer Ones, and the Line Etched by Sept. 11.” I could tell this was one of those articles I didn’t even need to skim because the whole story was told in the headline and the article was bound to just be a lot of examples fleshing it out. But I gather this was a picture of one of the “newer ones” because the caption quotes this woman as saying, “I’m amazed because it was such a big event, and people never mention it.”

Well, duh, if you had been here, you would have seen that we talked about it quite a lot in the immediate aftermath. “Where were you, what did you do, when did you hear, were you there, what was it like, did you lose anyone, aren’t things different, what’s going to happen now, how could it happen, ack, I can’t hear planes overhead anymore.” You pretty much know how everyone feels about everything now, we’ve had five years, after all. There’s nothing much to talk about now, except for what’s happening now, like memorials and bag searches.

Maybe, Deenah Vollmer, the “newer one,” hasn’t discovered that if you live here longer than five years you realize that New York is constantly moving on. Did you love that club? It’s gone. How about that restaurant? Nope, it’s a Starbucks now (yeah, I was talking about the one at Astor Place). I’m not excited about a big memorial, really. I think more commerce at the site, to know that New York plows on, is the best tribute. Actually, I don’t even know what’s going on with the memorials, I don’t really pay attention to the news about it. It’s just that, NY is quite a different place these days, to my mind. I don’t need a memorial, I’m here every day. Daily life itself is a memorial. And as for observances on the day, well, I don’t need those either, although I understand people who lost loved ones do. But for me, life was a certain way before, it’s different now, and the day itself is not all that important to me. Maybe for future generations.

But sorry, Deenah, yes, it was big, but everyone I know is all talked out and is getting on with things. Welcome to New York.

Matthew Sweet – Nothing Lasts

I have to be extra special careful with this Jew&A as several of my family members are reading and will be correcting my errors, I assure you.

Standard disclaimer: I am not a Rabbi, nor do I play one on the Internet. Ready? Play.

Barb asks:
I am really curious about how hard it must be to keep Kosher. I mean, just looking at the labels of the everyday foods I eat…well, I just don’t know how you do it, Becca. Is it as difficult as I imagine, or does it just seem hard because here in backwoods Eastern NC there are no options. The nearest Temple is about 50 miles away.

Well, for one thing, I was raised doing it so it seems easy to me because I always have. But you’ve hit on another thing, which is that I live in an area with more Jews than Israel has. I meant to take a picture of the huge Kosher sections in the various grocery stores around here, or even one of the markets that’s all Kosher, but, you know, I only had 2 weeks to prepare for this post. And there are a whole bunch of fun Kosher restaurants as well. Check it out!

But really, you just learn to do it. You look at the box or the can for the little Kosher symbol (Try it yourself! Here’s a whole slew of them.) and pretty soon, you already know that Twizzlers have the O-U symbol and you don’t really have to worry about it. Of course, these things do change, so you kind of should. Except the Twizzlers because I just had a bag last week and I promise you, they still have the symbol.

I mean, it’s not to say it’s easy. There are tons of rules, you can’t eat a burger at the local Wendy’s, and you live your entire life with people asking you “so you’ve never even tasted lobster?” But really, like anything, once you get the hang of it, it’s second nature. Even places without big Jewish communities have Kosher foods in the supermarket, like Cheerios and Morningstar burgers and all kinds of things you never knew were Kosher.

I bet Eastern NC is purty, for all it’s lack of Kosher Pizzerias.

SeaTern asks:
Are the seats in a synagogue called pews?
Stupid question I know but I’m curious.

Yes! And more importantly, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Luckily, you’re not among them.

Irshlas asks:
How does one go about becoming a Jew? Is there a process, or classes, or do ya just start going to temple? Also, how does the Jewish community feel about converts? Is there real acceptance or are you always an outsider? Don’t mean to sound so deep but was genuinely interested.

As I told Irshlas in an e-mail, I’ve answered this question a bit before, but since she thinks that DISINTEGRATION IS THE BEST ALBUM EVER, how could I resist answering it again?

There is indeed a process, and if you’ve seen Sex & the City, you may know what it is. This is a bit sensitive, as conversion is different for the 3 major movements of Judaism, Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform, so I’ll try to be as general as possible. I distilled the following from my own knowledge but mostly from A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice by Rabbi Isaac Klein, which is the general handbook of the Conservative movement, and is traditional in content.

Since Jews aren’t supposed to try to convert people, the Rabbi will actually turn you down several times. So the first step is to keep asking. That way, we know you’re really serious. And of course, he’ll probably ask you if you’re really serious. But not in that John McEnroe way. Then comes the part where you learn all about Judaism (many places do in fact have conversion classes) and start observing our fun rules. But don’t worry, for every commandment saying you can’t eat bread for a week, there’s another that tells you to get drunk on Purim. This can all take a bit of time depending on how much education you need. Then when you’re ready, if you’re a guy, you get circumcised. If you already have been, you just get a ceremonial prick of blood. If you don’t have that particular equipment, you head straight to Part B which is immersion in a mikva, or ritual bath. Despite a popular Jewish song, there are no sharks in the mikva. Blessings are said and when all is done, you get a Jewish name and you’re officially a member of the tribe. You will not immediately be funny, but it will come to you.

Experiences vary, I’m sure, but I’ve never in my life seen a convert treated any differently than a person born a Jew. Officially, people who join the Jewish people voluntarily are considered to be specially loved by God (that’s also from Rabbi Klein’s book, see, I don’t just give credit to other blogs).

Several people ask:
Why do Jews write God as G-d, and why don’t you?

Jews are not supposed to write the name of God because there’s a prohibition against erasing or defacing the name of God and you worry that if you write it, it could later get defaced. BUT, the name of God is not “God.” God is just an English word. The name of God is more closely associated with the English word Yahweh, but isn’t quite that either. And even with all that, typing on a computer is not considered a permanent form of writing, just a bunch of ones and zeroes on a chip. But, hey, if you like putting the dash in, knock yourself out! I’m not going to stop you. Like all things in Judaism, it’s open to interpretation and those who do it differently will refuse to let their children marry each other. But I digress.

DuJane asks:
What’s the next major holiday that will rob us of your presence for days on end? And why do you hate dogs?

It’s Rosh Hashanah! That’s the Jewish New Year, and believe me, as it gets closer I’ll talk a bit more about it. Suffice to say, Dick Clark and confetti are not involved. Luckily for my boss and my vacation day count, most of the slew of Jewish holidays that fall this time of year show up on weekends. And you know I rarely post then anyway. You won’t miss me a bit.

Because they hate me, silly.

Thank you Barb, SeaTern, Irshlas, DuJane, and several anonymous people! Here’s the Jewish concept of the month, straight from Proverbs: Charity will save you from death. You heard it here first! Well, no, Proverbs came first by a wee bit. Anyway, this is the last week to give to my friends running the Komen Race for Breast Cancer Research in Boston. And then I stop bugging you about it. Yay! By the way, when you race folks do find The Cure, give Robert Smith a big hug for me, would you? But if cancer research doesn’t float your boat, feel free to give somewhere else!*

*Sadly, this blog is not a charity.

The Cure – Faith

But I’m way too tired to do Jew&A justice and I can’t just not post. That’s for other, more slackery bloggers. It’s been a tremendous few days of tennis and it’ll go on via TV, which is of course not the same, but hey, watching 14 days of tennis live would probably kill me even if I had the money and vacation days. You should see my sunburn! No, actually, you shouldn’t. Medic!

So, to wrap up, Nalbandian lost in a fifth-set tiebreak heartbreaker in which a shot your dog could make did not clear the net. Clearly MY MIND was elsewhere, it’s really my fault. If you saw me crying in Louis Armstrong Stadium, I simply had sunscreen in my eye. Speaking of crying, during that match, some guy named Agassi was busy losing/retiring on the next court. Something happened which I’ve never seen before which was, when the score that showed Agassi losing the match showed on the screen everyone in my stadium (remember, we’re a whole other match) gasped and then stood up and started clapping, giving Agassi a standing O he wasn’t even there to see. Even the CBS announcers up in the booth were clapping. It was an amazing moment about which I actually have no jokes. Sue me.

Then our match went on. Badly. Now let’s never speak of it again.

While I’ve been out I’ve had a sea change in my Google searches. Now I have a lot of “Is Roger Federer Jewish?” and “Is David Nalbandian Jewish?” and the most bizarre one, “Did Andy Roddick have a Bar Mitzvah?” Oh puh-leeze.

If you’re Jewish and you’d like to get behind a tennis player you can take haimishe pride in, why not go with Shahar Peer? Shahar Peer is Jewish and Israeli and before getting eaten alive by Justine Henin-Hardenne on the main court today, she did a fabulous job making it to the Round of Sixteen. Nothing will make you feel that Jews are maybe a little athletic than waving an Israeli flag at her match and yelling “kadimah, Shahar!” Of course, I let the rest of my family handle the flag; I’m not really a flag-waver.

Anyway, it’s been a fun week, at least for me. And if I ever get the chant, “Chi, chi, chi, le, le, le, viva Chile!” out of my head, I’m sure I’ll even be sane again.

Oh, special props to the folks behind me at the Shahar Peer match who had this comment about Francesca Schiavone: “I’m just disappointed she’s so ugly.” Indeed. And now I’ll go back to watching Richard Gasquet try to take a stand against Whitey McRacist. Allez!

Jack Johnson – Crying Shame

If you’re the sensitive type, I’d move along right now. Of course, you probably aren’t or you wouldn’t be here in the first place.

Now, for the rest of us, here’s a genius song. First off, I should say, I’m not a big Sublime fan. All their songs sound the same to me and so there are only two Sublime songs on my iPod and this is of course one of them. Before you get horrified, please listen all the way to the end of the song. Revenge IS sweet. And the all-too-typical story, the wicked comeuppance, and all the rest come with one of the peppiest ska melodies ever.

Credit goes to Soxy for reminding me of this song and informing me that it’s a bond between her and her fiance. Er, I won’t ask.

Anyway, just remember the moral of the date rape story: it does not pay to be drunk and horny. Amen, dead Sublime guy, amen.

Sublime – Date Rape