Magic Jewball

all signs point to no

 

My Own Summer (Shove It)

Filed under : New York City,Rants
On June 19, 2006
At 4:15 pm
Comments : 19

This is going to be one of those rants. Sorry. But I did warn you. Those who are not in a ranty mood can go look at porn now. No complaining later.

Anyway, I hate summer. I think I’m the only one, based on that whole “yay it’s summer” vibe you get everywhere you look. But all the great things people say about it are all myths!

1. Easy & laid back times
Someone forgot to tell my company about this. We have no summer hours and the pace of work goes unabated during this period. And why not? It’s not like people stop buying music because it suddenly got hot. I’d like to know, other than schools, what business exactly does slow down over the summer? Who are these people who just get to lie around in hammocks?

2. Delightful weather
Again, just not seeing this. Not in my circumstances anyway. New York seems to go from rainy/damp/cool straight to 95 degrees and 75% humidity. It makes doing anything besides sitting in an air-conditioned room unbearable, like the strength has completely left your body and nothing seems important except getting out of whatever place you happen to be.

3. Fun days at the beach
People who know me are already rolling their eyes. Yes, I hate the beach. What is the point of the beach? Lying around in baking heat? Squinting uncomfortably at a book and eating mushy sandwiches? The long drive? The exhausted long drive back? This is something I will never understand.

4. Vacation
Because everywhere one goes is four times as expensive during the summer, I never travel at this time of year. I like May or September when I can get a good deal and the rest of the known universe isn’t also vacationing right there. Instead, I get to stay at work, doing the labor of several other absent people.

5. Summer music
Bites.

Now, I’m sure the fact that I just spent $1500 on new air conditioners and that said air conditioners couldn’t be installed due to me not having some part I never heard of has just a little to do with the timing of this rant. See, the idiots who designed my building decided it’d be fun to have not one iota of choice for those living in the units, so they stuck wall-through holes in the living and bedrooms. They decided with the one in the bedroom that they should cut that chunk into the size of a unit whose smallest incarnation has twice as much power as that size room needs to be cooled. High five!

But it’s OK, the AC units I had before date to the Reagan administration so I’m sure these will last at least until we find Osama. Of course, should the terrorists bomb Manhattan into oblivion, air conditioners will be the least of my worries. See? I’m always looking on the bright side of things.

What are all these songs about summer breezes and winds anyway? Here, any breeze just blows humid air into your face and warm dirt into your contact lenses.

Deftones – My Own Summer (Shove It) [Clean]

 

19 Comments for this post

 
Anonymous says

you should move to california.

 
Becca says

Is this one of my exes?

 
Terry (tonsofme) says

I am completely with you about the beach. Too hot, sand in everything, long walks to long bathroom lines, crying kids — I never understood the appeal.

This is my first house (brand new) with ac and, thanks to my very excellent divorce agreement, my ex gets to pay the electric bill for 10 more years! Count ‘em!

 
Becca says

You know, if I had known that was possible, I would have gotten married and divorced.

 
steph says

This may, very well, be my favoritest Jewball post evah.

My dad’s getting a link, again. :) He actually said to me today, “So, what’s up on the boards? Send me something new.”

 
Jane says

You’re such a buzzkill. Summer rules!

Wait, no it doesn’t. Summer is when I get screamed at by people like you because their air conditioners don’t work.

 
Kay says

My first experience ever at the beach involved mushy sandwiches with mustard (I hated mustard then) and warm pink lemonade with sand in it. WTF?

You didn’t even get to how delightful the subway is in the summer!

 
Kay says

Joe Jackson’s version of Summer in the City is a most excellent summer song, you have to admit.

 
Becca says

I can’t believe Steph’s Dad has been slacking on J-Ball reading.

Jane! My air conditioner doesn’t work!

Kay, “nothing seems important except getting out of whatever place you happen to be” was about the subway. I know, it was oblique.

And you know how I love Joe, but the original is better.

 
Holly says

I’m with ya Becca. But going to the cottage is okay.

You sit on the deck and sip beverages, go for a swim or a boat ride, maybe a round of golf, some more bevvy’s and then once the sun goes down, you make a big fire in the fire pit and have a few more drinks.

Come on up, the water is fine.

 
Twenchie says

I can answer one of your questions. Tax Accountants lie around on hammocks in the summah :) I usually leave work by noon on Fridays, try not to hate me.

As for the beach, sorry, I grew up on the coast, I live for the beach and mushy sandwhiches and sitting around baking. Or, I live to be out on a boat, feeling the breeze and seeing nothing but water. It soothes me.

 
Becca says

Holly, well sipping beverages is always good, no matter what the season. If only I had some money, I’d buy a cabin.

PS, send money.

Twenchie, you’d have to be baked to enjoy being baked. However, I don’t know what you’ve been imbibing so there’s always the chance that you are.

 
Culotte says

I love that Simpsons episode. :)

Therefore, I love the J-Ball.

{Card-carrying member of the Future Philosphers of America}

 
jillmvs says

If possible, I love you even more.

Summer blows. When I win Lotto I’m going to move around so wherever I am, it’s autumn. That’s possible, right? Different hemispheres and whatnot.

Signed, Pasty and Chubby: Not A Great Summer Combo

 
Becca says

Culotte, I really wanted the picture of Martin’s bare butt in the destroyed swimming pool but I couldn’t find it.

Jill, I suppose if it’s 5 o’clock somewhere then it’s 5 o’clock on an Autumn day somewhere.

 
Anonymous says

Summer is my least favorite of the seasons.

And I only started liking the beach when I realized that when I was there I wasn’t at some other place I hated.

I hope that makes sense to someone somewhere.

KP

 
Culotte says

http://www.duffzone.co.uk/framegrab_script.php?img=1f22/1f22-321.jpg

Luckily for you, I’m the Google Queen.

 
Becca says

Are you shitting me? I spent literally an hour searching through Google images.

Where were you yesterday, your majesty?

 
Twenchie says

have you been spying on me Becca?

I have, on more than one occassion, been baked, to bake at the beach