Happy Memorial Day!
Yeah, that didn’t look right to me either. See, even though everyone enjoys themselves on this day, we all know that underpinning our barbecues and beach parties are lots and lots of dead people. It’s kind of like that scene in Poltergeist when Craig T. Nelson realizes his house is built on a cemetery. It sure made swimming a lot less fun. But is it our fault that we Americans are so overworked that we will seize on any excuse to make merry and relax just a bit?
It’s OK, though, you’re in luck! I have found the solution to this problem. It’s a variation on that game where you add “and then we all ended up naked” to the end of your story, or when you add “in bed” to the end of your cookie fortune. In this game, you add “because soldiers died for us” to your fun filled Memorial Day sentences. Here are some examples from my own life:
I bought a new DVD player for $25 because soldiers died for us.
The whole city was empty and walking the streets was relaxing, because soldiers died for us.
I watched half-naked hot guys cycling in the park because soldiers died for us.
Yes, I felt a lot less guilty once I interjected them into every thought.
Speaking of memories, I’m sure you’ve all lain awake nights wondering if I have always had this bizarre sense of humor and if so, had I been inflicting it on others since childhood. The answer is yes! When cleaning out my childhood bedroom (you have to do it some time) I found the following undated letter:
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I’m sorry that I can’t give you my tooth but when I was in Cherry Hill Hotel, that’s in New Jersey you know, I was eating challah and my tooth came out and I didn’t know it so I threw it out. I know that sounds kind of strange but it’s true so please give me a quarter anyway.
PS, please excuse my bad handwriting.
Yeah, I haven’t changed much. And yeah, the tooth fairy was cheap. Good times, good times.
But anyway, back to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that Circuit City could have a blowout sale. Here are some songs about soldiers and war. Would it be crass to say that Vietnam inspired the best music both during and after? As much as I enjoy the Andrews Sisters, we all know it’s true. Even through the 90′s, people wrote good music about Vietnam.
Oh, but special props to this song which came out during the first Gulf war but is just as appropriate to our current conflict.
The The – Armageddon Days (Are Here Again)
But on a happier note, this is a better picture (it comes from the NY Times) than the ones I took of the “Manhattan Solstice” a phenomenon that will happen twice this year, where for 15 minutes the sunset is perfectly aligned with the Manhattan cross streets. Take my word for it, it was even better in real life. The glow was awesome. Sometimes summer in the city is just beautiful.