Magic Jewball

all signs point to no

 

Caressing the marble and stone (summary at the end)

Filed under : Life in general
On April 27, 2006
At 1:32 am
Comments : 4

Let’s bring together a couple of our past themes, shall we? Let’s say, walking to synagogue and homeless people. These two are intertwined like the NY Rangers and bitter, bitter heartache. But anyway, I go to synagogue each day to say a prayer for my Mom who passed last year (don’t worry, the story gets lighter). Today I was actually thinking of my sunny plans for later that evening: a shiva call. For those who don’t know, this is a visit to the family of a recently deceased person. For those who do know, this is also a visit to the family of a recently deceased person.

So as I proceeded along with my cheery thought balloon, a homeless man sitting on the ground by the store that sells the Festivus poles (really!) called out, “Why so sad face? Someone didn’t die or anything.” Really? I thought. Did anyone not die? I’d like to know. I nearly called back to defend myself but before I could even form the thought of what I might say, he yelled out, “Shut the fuck up!” How prescient of him. Saved me a whole “talk to the homeless” event as well. High five!

Speaking of death, you may have noticed that this blog is all black. Some people are having problems reading that. This doesn’t worry me so much as I’m not convinced that their worlds will end without this blog. Plus, I’ll always have Bob. No, what really concerns me is that 45,371 other people have the same template. When I do the “blog to blog” thing and I happen upon one of them, I get that embarrassed feeling you get when you see someone wearing the same dress as you at a wedding or Bar Mitzvah. If I see this template in its white or blue versions, I get that smug feeling that you get at the wedding or Bar Mitzvah when your dress-twin chose the other version of your outfit. Girl, you have validated the pink over blue decision. Thank you, now let us never be seen together again.

So I spent several hours learning HTML to try to change things. You may have noticed the blog looks exactly the same. Enough said. Then I just started running desperately around the Internet trying to steal someone else’s. Preferably something unique to just Miikii in Finland and me. But then I’d have to go look at the HTML code. That’s where the project ended.

Somehow, when I need to be distracted while working on the computer, I always end up in the arms of my good friend, Becca’s Recommendation Page at Amazon. After a few recent worrisome visits, Amazon seems to have remembered who I am and has begun recommending things I would actually want. Today, there was a book about a Joy Division record. I can’t really think of anything more useless than a book about an album, but I decided to just have a look-see, if only to keep from gazing at even one more blog about RV’s or “No One Understands Me – I Am a Complicated 16 Year Old.” It turns out there is a whole series of these books, yikes.

But it was worth it for this mind-blowing review (admittedly from a kid): “this is a book about there worst album. my favorit Joy Divison albums are script of the bridge and turn on the bright lights. i want to have ian curtis’s baby.”

How can I even begin? OK, Script of the Bridge is a Chameleons UK record and Turn on the Bright Lights is by Interpol. Yes, yes, they both sound decidedly like JD, but when I was a youngster, I could read the name of the artist on the package. Best of all in there, Ian Curtis is dead. I hope for her sake they froze his sperm.

Of course she could have meant “I want to have his baby” in the newfangled, I’m-his biggest-fan sense. I first ran into this many years ago at a Dave Matthews concert (PLEASE don’t ask me what I was doing there – it was free, it was a favor to a friend, I wanted to hear “Crush” and they didn’t even play it!). There was this college guy next to us who yelled out in a feverish ecstasy, “Dave, I want to have your baby!” The best part was, his friend then said, “Dude, you’re straight.” Oh, that’s what will keep you from having his baby. I see.

But in the “Anyone can put their crazy/wrong drivel up on the Web” department, I just Googled the title of this post, on the off chance that one of you might do it. Someone has posted that it is from a Bush song on lyricsfreak.com. The lyrics are also hysterically wrong. Naturally, lyricsfreak has no way to comment or correct anything. I wonder which was a better Bush album, Unknown Pleasures or Closer? It could be Turn on the Bright Lights, of course.

Hey, this was really long. I’ll summarize for anyone who has an even shorter attention span than me:

1. Death=Bad. Shut the fuck up!
2. My blog looks crap. This will change; when is anyone’s guess.
3. I never went to a Dave Matthews concert, you can’t prove I did
4. Internet: Al Gore needs to clean this thing up.

 

4 Comments for this post

 
Jane says

My favorite Al Gore album? Turn on the Bright Lights.

Blogs about RVs? Really? If you run across any more, send me links. My readers are RV blogging sort of people, I fear.

 
Dalia says

Is it just me, or do you have way more interaction with homeless people than the average New Yorker?

 
Becca says

Jane, OMG, I want to have his baby! And ye gods. OK, I’ll be sure to jot down those URL’s next time.

Dalia, I believe they don’t come around your posh digs. Or maybe they just like my perfume.

 
Anonymous says

You da best summarizer evah.